No, I never thought when I started planning my wedding that I’d have to cancel it.
It’s really a crazy time to be a bride.
My hope is to encourage those pretty woman who God chose to brides in the midst of this season of the world.
Our wedding was supposed to be May 23.
And it still might be.
But it probably won’t.
Yeah, just like you, we got the email from the venue.
They are postponing all events in their space for a question-mark number of weeks.
And ours happens to be maybe be in that question-mark number.
And I’ve had all of the feelings.
And you probably have, too.
The tears, the frustration, the confusion, the anger, the bitterness— my little, fragile heart has felt it all and now feels like it needs to be wrapped in bubble wrap, or maybe like it’s a full-out warrior who can literally take on the entire world, with a sword.
It really goes back and forth, depending on the moment, depending on the conversation and the person.
So, here we go.
An attempt to believe that God is good— when I really don’t feel it and really don’t see it.
A feeble cry to the Lord to teach me how to trust Him— like to actually. trust. Him.
Just the threadwork of a prayer that my heart would sing a new anthem— hope. Not disappointment.
God chose us to be brides in this time.
God chose me to a bride in this time.
He didn’t choose anyone else— He chose us.
Because He knows that we have something to offer the world.
Don’t ask me what that is, yet— if it’s light or hope or beauty or joy or contentment— I’m still figuring it out, and I’m sure you are too.
But, He made us a bride in a time such as this—
In a time such as this—
And I just want to sit in that.
That He knew.
The moment my Thomas got down on one knee and asked to spend the rest of his life with me— in that moment, God knew that this whole scenario would be apart of the story of our marriage. He knew before that. He’s known all of the days of my life, + I believe He’s prepared me and you for a time such as this.
You know, I think me and maybe you and the world around us thinks of weddings + marriage as an inseparable bond of things.
Like, if you’re getting married, you have a wedding + if you have a wedding, you’re getting married.
And that’s the story for most people, most of the time, most of the days of the calendar and in most of the places in this world.
But this world is broken.
It’s so broken.
I can feel it all too heavily right now.
And I am having to pull apart those two ideas today.
That my marriage doesn’t have to have a wedding.
Oh, I would love it to.
That was the plan.
But this is the jaw-dropping- yet not so much, eye-opening- not so much— this is just the subtle, little thought that came into my heart and mind today, that I wanted to push away and embrace at the same time, that brought pain + a weird, inexpressible joy at the same time.
It’s not about all that.
Marriage is simply and deeply and beautifully and gloriously a little glimpse of the love that GOD has for you + me. And Thomas and I get to be apart of that.
It’s not about the wedding. It’s not about my bridal shower. It’s not about the bachelorette trip. It’s not about bridesmaids and registries and dancing and drinks.
It’s about my sweet, sweet Jesus.
And His glory.
And a glimpse of His love for me and you.
And nothing else.
And so, my sweet sister,
My sweet and beautiful fellow bride,
I am wrestling through the realization that I may not have any of these things.
Or at least, not have them in the way or timing I expected.
And I feel like there’s this beautiful, weight of glory on my chest.
I feel a fire inside— that maybe, in sacrificing all of these things that world glues on this season— maybe that by sacrificing those things, I can see and feel and experience the glory of God in marriage just a little bit clearer. In a deeper, more raw kind of way.
Because all of the things that I could be tempted to make the idol of this season— are stripped away.
And all that remains,
Is the sweet + sacred union of Tmos and I.
All that remains, is the weight of marriage. The beauty in the glimpse of God’s love. The sweetness of experiencing Christ’s sacrifice. The joy of the Spirit in worship + the expectant, hopeful hearts in the thought that this Jesus— the one who is so beautifully showing me a glimpse of His love for me— is coming back one day, to take me and you and all of us as His bride.
Listen, if you have a wedding, and all of that fun stuff— oh, I’m so so happy for you. Who knows, I may even get to experience those things.
But the weight of it all— is the glimpse of the gospel in our marriage.
And I am so willing— and I am so ready to give my sweet Jesus my, “yes” for whatever this season holds.
I am so willing and ready to sacrifice all of the things so that I may experience the sweetness of love so much more vibrantly.
It’s not about the venue and decor and dancing and drinks and DJ and flowers and whatever else—
And I get to live that. And experience that. And enjoy that.
And so, my sweet sister,
Hear my soft, gentle, fired-up voice when I say this:
God chose you to be a bride during this time.
Maybe we’ve been caught up in all of the wrong things for too long, + maybe He’s giving us this sweet gift of grace to find Him all again, in the middle of all of this crazy, wedding fluff.
Maybe this is the sweetest, most kind and loving invitation to find the love and the grace and the gospel of Jesus in the middle of marriage.
Oh, and you better believe, I’m going to be the first to raise my hand.
If this is my story, may I tell it with such fire and passion and grace—
That it’s not my wedding— it’s the gospel.
And if this is my story, may I enjoy + be present for every single moment— the beautiful and the heavy— because this is the story my sweet Jesus has invited me into.
You, my fellow bride, were chosen for a time such as this.
May we carry it well.
With so much love + compassion