It’s me, again.
I know- it’s been days and weeks and months- what feels like ages, since I’ve written.
And I am not here to say sorry-
But I would like to say, thank you for your patience, for your love and thoughts and prayers.
I did not mean to be gone for so long.
But, if we’re being honest- I am glad that I was.
I lost the fire that I once had.
It came in the form of a season, and passed like so.
And now, being here again,
I come to give you hope,
When in the midst of a season where you don’t feel it-
Where you don’t feel Him,
Where you don’t feel.
About ten months ago,
I had a fire for the Lord that I could feel in the depths of my bones.
I’m sure you know exactly what I mean- that fire that is gentle and fierce- it’s the most peaceful, rich, exhilarating, ferocious thing to spark in a soul. It’s the fire that brings our dead souls back to life in a single gulp and in the twinkle of those eyes, and it’s the most divine conception- God Himself- His Spirit dwelling on our hearts.
And I felt it.
And I lived it.
And sister, I am sure that you do, too.
And then- nothing happened.
Nothing and everything happened at the very same time.
My heart suddenly went from a flowing well, to a stone.
And it stayed like that.
It lasted months.
I come to write to you, if you have even the slightest inkling of knowing what feeling I’m talking about.
I had years of passion,
And then it all halted.
Have you ever experienced this? Oh, I know- I get it. And my friend, I need you to hear me as I say this: if you have not experienced this, one day, you will.
And it will be one the most beautiful times in your life.
Your heart, once on fire for the Lord, will feel like a stone.
Your lips, once begging to sing the praise to the Lord, will stay closed.
Your eyes, once reading and reading and reading His Word, will stay still.
And your devotion to gathering with your church, your community- will be gone.
And it will be one of the beautiful times in your life.
Because my sister, in this time- whether days, or weeks, or months, or years- decades, and decades, and decades-
The Spirit, unfelt and unknown, will grind a faith so deep in your saved and gritty and hardened and hopeful soul- He will grind a faith so deep in your soul- that you will stand deeper and stronger and harder and wiser and truer and more faithfully and more beautifully and more passionately and more desperately in love with Jesus after it all.
I promise you.
If you do not give up.
I need you to know, that you think too little of the thought of the Holy Spirit inside of you.
“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake, I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith- that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.” (Philippians 3:8-11)
Oh, that I may KNOW my sweet Jesus,
Oh, that I may know the power of his resurrection,
Oh, that I may stop clinging to everything else and fully take hold of a faith that has roots in the most ancient of days with fathers and apostles and priests and martyrs, that I may take hold of the faith that was told through creeds and councils, that I may take hold of the faith that beheld miracles and resurrections and provision and callings and persecutions, that I may take hold of the faith that God indeed told in the prophets, and lived and died and rose in His Son- the faith that His Spirit beautifully weaves together, over ages and generations, spiraling into you and me today, and who will tie it all up at the time when Jesus, hair as white as wool and a voice like the sound of the rushing waters in victory establishes the reign of His kingdom- His Kingdom, forever and everlasting.
Ages and generations of longing Jews looked and hoped and prayed and clenched their firsts and wailed for and gritted their teeth for the day when God’s Spirit would seal the hearts of believers.
Oh, sister, this is you and me.
I need you to know that the power of God, lives in you.
I need you to know, that the power of God, lives, in, you.
And so when you feel the intense fire and praise of His glory and beauty,
And when it all fades away in a mere moment,
I need you,
To hear me:
This faith that we share in, the faith in our sweet Jesus Christ,
Has endured in every age and generation since the cross, and before.
There have been countless, countless, counted believers before you, who have lived years and years in a lifetime longer than yours.
And they are now, with Jesus, in His glory.
And that will soon be you.
But for this time in your life, for this moment,
When your soul feels like a stone,
When your lips no longer open to praise Him,
When your eyes no longer graze over and over His word,
When your devotion to your church has left,
Embrace the raw, gritty, deep feeling of nothing in regard to your Savior.
Embrace it; feel it; go deep.
Cry out to the Lord in agony and confusion and frustration and helplessness.
Cry and scream and pray and let those bitter frustrations and disappointments be felt.
Endure. Be devoted. Be steadfast.
You are not out of God’s love.
He has not left you, nor abandoned you, nor forsaken you, nor forgot about you.
Oh, my sweet sister, He is in the hardest and most rewarding way, making you stronger.
I know that you are going to wake up every day, and not want to read His Word. I know that you are going to think in your head, but not pray to Him. I know that you are going to fight going to church. I know that you are going to clench your lips during worship.
Devote yourself to His Word.
Devote yourself to prayer.
Devote yourself to worship.
Devote yourself to get to church.
Be steadfast in your pursuit of your sweet Jesus, fired up or not. Walk in step with the Spirit with a pace that is in line with the repeated beats of your heart. Let your brothers and sisters carry you and pray for you and hug you when it all seems lost. Pray, and pray and read and read and keep showing up and keep singing fearlessly and recklessly.
Because the Holy Spirit is grinding down, in your deepest heart of hearts, a faith that is mightier than you could have ever prayed for.
A faith that is real, that is true and genuine and deep and strong for the long haul of your life.
At the end of this all, you will be devoted to Jesus Christ in a whole new way, and you’re going to fall in love with a devotion that goes deeper than feelings.
It will be one of the most beautiful times in your life.
One day, when you breathe your last breathe of the stale air here, you will join the ages and generations of believers who endured unto the very end of their life- we will be with our sweet Jesus, and we will be greeted with those rich words, “Well done, good and faithful servant,” and our hearts will explode with joy as we are made new- a glorious body and a heart with passion, and eyes that are locked with the gaze of Jesus- we will live forever and ever and ever in our real home called heaven.
The fight will be over. We will be with Him forever.
And it will all be worth it.
With much, much love. And a whole lot of grace for this life. -Melissa