Sometimes, I think I can do everything.
Okay, if we are being real, I always think I can do it all.
I think I can somehow create the time, muster up the energy, accumulate the skillset to literally do everything.
My days are busy. My weeks are even busier. But overall, I’m doing pretty well.
Coffee in the mornings. Getting work done. Making time for family and friends. Wearing too much black.
I was #killinit
There came a moment, when even though I looked around and saw my life going really well- my job, my teams, my social life, my church responsibilities- I felt exhausted. And burnt out. And weary.
And I was a bit confused.
Everything was going well.. I was seeing good fruit coming forth. So I wondered why on earth was I empty- I was expecting and anticipating to be filled to the brim with a little overflow.
About a week ago, the Spirit laid on my heart to pray for God to show me how much I need Him. To pray for God to show me how weak I am, and how strong He is. To pray for God to show me how I literally cannot do anything without Him.
It was dangerous.
Because it’s our Father’s good, good pleasure to draw our hearts nearer to Him, even if it’s at the cost of our “little empire.”
Let me tell you. It’s a week later.
And my friend.
I am so utterly helpless.
I cannot bear to even move a finger without the grace of God.
I am so unbelievably weak and powerless and I actually think it’s funny how much I thought I was #killinit.
I thought I was building my own empire.
But while I was busy pouring myself in my shaky and fading empire, my sweet Jesus is establishing a Kingdom, a Kingdom eternal and unshakeable and beautiful and good.
How rather foolish of me to think that my bones and artery-filled heart could be strong enough to carry the weights of this world.
How rather foolish of me to think that my fading and failing strength and hands of flesh could sufficiently help build a Kingdom with an eternally beautiful glory.
I really and honestly have no clue how I thought I could ever carry this life on my strength.
I need His strength to get through this crazy season.
I need His strength to show up every morning.
I need His strength to hold fruitful conversations.
I need His strength to hug and to talk and to listen.
I need His strength to get out of bed every morning.
I need His strength to breathe, one moment at a time.
And when I say “need,” I’m not actually implying that “it would be beneficial to have,” or “it would help a great deal.”
I mean that there is no way that I ever ever ever do it by myself. By my strength. By my wisdom. By my skills. By my work.
It just won’t suffice. It’s not enough.
I NEED Him. More than I’ve ever needed a thing. More than I’ve ever needed a person or nutrients or oxygen.
And even more so to the point..
It’s rather illogical to think that I can do the work of a Kingdom that I was simply ushered into.
If I was utterly helpless and didn’t even know that I needed to be saved, and my sweet Jesus pursued me through ages…
If I was powerfully separated from the presence of my True Love by the gaping debt of my sin and had to be saved, not by works but rather by the blood of perfect, divine flesh…
If I had to die to myself, throwing myself at the foot of the cross dripping with Jesus’ saving blood; If I had be lavished in mercy and poured in amazing grace; if I had to be chosen and called by the roaring voice of my God to enter the gates of His Kingdom…..
Then why on earth would I think I have the guts and bronze to do the work by my dead and sinful flesh.
Nothing was ever by my own strength.
Jesus pursued me. Jesus died for me. Jesus saved me. Jesus establishes His Kingdom. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.
Not my saving works. Not my strength. Not by me.
It never was. It never will be.
God, in His limitless grace, has meant for us to fall at the foot of the cross, and rise again by His strength, and His strength only.
May we never pick ourselves up from the foot of the cross.
The power of the Spirit that raised Jesus Christ is the power by which we rise.
Every morning. Every moment. And in the time when our sweet Jesus comes back.
We are but beautiful and empty vessels… simply saying “yes” to God and then praising Him as we watch His providence unfold.
We are in the midst of a Kingdom coming…. A Kingdom that is filled with the riches and glory of Christ Himself, one that I cannot fathom my earthly strength measuring up for.
Only by the power of the Holy Spirit livin’ inside me, only by the strength of Jesus, only by the grace of God may I go forth.
He says to us that His grace is sufficient. That His power is made perfect in weakness. And so, I will boast about my weaknesses. About my short-comings. About my lack.For Christ’s power rests on me. In fact, I will delight in my weaknesses, for that’s precisely when Christ makes me strong. (From 2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
My friend, come to Him and be made strong.
My friend, let the grace and fire of Jesus course through your veins during the labors of life.
My friend, may the grace that carried you here lead you forth.
With much, much love. And an overflow, abundance of strength from my sweet Jesus to carry on. –Melissa
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